The Joy of Change

Many of my values shifted and habits changed after the death of my partner.

Loss can usher in sudden shifts.

You thought you were a certain way only to discover you’re not anymore.

You like things you never thought you would, you don’t like things you once did.

For example I used to cook daily.

Now I don’t.

One of my favorite parts of the day is to come to the local trattoria for lunch with Celestino.

I’ll often order a plate and he will share it with me, licking his lips with every bite.

I can’t believe how much time it used to take me to cook, this was always on my doorstep for practically the same price as preparing food but without all the fuss.

I wondered if something was wrong with me when I stopped cooking, had I become uninterested in food?

But that wasn’t true since I’m still eating and enjoying every bite.

Just now it’s a lot less effortful.

Another example, Francesco loved pasta with tuna and would often prepare it after a bike ride.

I hated that but then found myself often eating it!

I was convinced I hated this dish, turns out not so much....

I remember in the aftermath of Fran’s death I would get up every morning and do my makeup.

In the past I didn’t care as much, today my value on image, beauty and style is stronger, that was a values shift.

I spend a lot of time researching styles.

This focus on beauty also uplifted me, made me feel good in my grief.

I was always interested but it moved up my hierarchy of values in Fran’s passing.

Finally, in the last year I notice a turnaround where patience and consistency is concerned.

I was all about instant gratification in the past, quick success and I was good at that.

Today I see that I’m much more willing to wait well.

I don’t have that urgency anymore.

When I’m into something, I notice I’m not giving up as easily.

I’m in it for the longer term until I see the result.

Incremental change and sudden shifts.

Let’s never assume we are a certain way and that’s how it is forever.

We all have the potential to change, to try new things, to be patient, to wait well.

We are not who we think we are.

We are so much greater than that.

And how you are in one relationship doesn’t determine how you will be in the next.

That is my experience too.

With my new guy I am not the same Grace.

I am learning new things about myself.

Where I used to say no, I find myself saying yes and vice versa.

Hope this helps you today.

Do not fear change and remember you are never stuck.