The Feeling

My heart is not breaking friends. My heart is opening.

It’s opening now more than ever.

Francesco had a huge heart, was not afraid to love, displayed it every day.

Heart to heart hugs each morning before he went on his bike.

“Quant e bella Amore Mio” on his return.

What do you want to do babe?

“Let’s cuddle up that’s my favourite thing to do.”

He has taught me to open my heart when I was so closed.

At 14 a friend left me, she had been like a sister to me.

I was so confused.

What had I done wrong?

From then my heart closed down.

I stopped trusting people.

I made a vow never to be hurt or caught off guard like that again.

I distanced myself and grieved in my bedroom alone at night.

It took 3 years to come through.

When I met Francesco I kept leaving the relationship.

I was so scared of being hurt again.

He didn’t care about that, he loved me into oblivion and back.

On one occasion when my mind got so caught up in insecurity & fear he said

“Baby I don’t mind if you have to keep leaving for the rest of our relationship, I’ll be here waiting for you when you come back.”

Something about that allowed me the freedom to just be and to see that he understood it wasn’t personal.

That I was simply getting lost in scary thought.

This level of understanding saved our relationship on many occasions.

Interestingly that was the last time I ever fled again, soon after we got engaged.

Our love deepened in the last few years.

It grew.

Lockdown provided evidence of us living in a feeling of well-being together.

I found a new measure for my relationship and it had nothing to do with having or doing more things.

When my clients would come to me concerned about their relationship I could hear they were measuring it based on society’s idea (what’s he giving you?) versus based on the feeling of well-being together.

The well-being of your relationship may look gone, that’s temporary.

The well-being is there and it always comes back the moment we fall out of our story about the other person or about how the relationship should look or be.

My heart has been opened and is continuing to open as I remember the FEELING Fran & I lived in as a couple.

That is all that matters.

He is gone physically but the feeling remains.

I hope this helps you today whatever you are facing in life or love. 💕